Today, I had my NT (Nuchal Translucency) scan. Everything looked fine. The embryos which are transferred to me during this successful FET were collected from my ovaries when I am 33 years old. The risks for trisomy 21 (Down syndrome) for a 33 year old woman is 1:369 but after NT scan my risk fell down to 1:2686 (for both fetus). The risk for trisomy 18 is 1:905 but after the scan it was 1:2741(for fetus 1 and 2) and the risk for trisomy 13 reduced from 1:2837 to 1:20238 (for fetus 1 and 2).The nuchal fold measurement for fetus 1 is 1.5 and for fetus 2 it is 1.2. Hence the possibility for much prevalent genetic risks (aueuploidies) seems to be extremely low. I don't need aminocentesis or chorionic villus sampling (CVS). It is such a relief ! The babies measured 6.37 and 6.5 cms.
My today's experience with those prenatal diagnostic people was not pleasant. The lady (a doctor!) who came in to take measurement of our babies was not at all compassionate. She didn't explain anything, kept on doing her job, made sounds of impatience when our babies are moving around and for me it appeared as if something was wrong with the babies. The whole scenario is like watching a horror movie. I could see my DH panic and suffer. I really wanted to get up and walk away. I regretted my decision to go to them. She went out of the scanning room every few minutes leaving me lying like that, she attended her cell phone every few minutes and it took almost one and an half hour until all the measurements are complete. I do not understand how doctors could do their job so mechanically. I didn't expect too much from her, I just needed a smile, a kind word, just an assurance that my babies are OK. What would have happened if I have got up, told her that this is not the way to treat patients and walked away? Doesn't it hurt her? Won't her entire day be spoiled? I was thinking why I am not doing that. The only answer is, I don't want to be rude. I am not afraid and there is nothing to be afraid of ! My gynecologist is such a kind woman and I am really thankful to her.
I had so many different emotions before this scan. What will I do if one our babies are diagnosed with some genetic defect? "Never give up my little ones, whatever you are I will take care of you", this is the promise I give my babies all the time. If one of them was diagnosed with some unfortunate defect, would I have decided to end its life? Even my imagination hurts. Am I an emotional fool? Do children with genetic defects have poor life quality? By bringing a genetically defective child to this world are parents doing harm to that soul? Why do we all crave for perfection ? Doesn't this society need all kinds of humans - how will we learn to be grateful, kind and empathetic without the so-called 'less than perfect' humans ? As parents, if we desire only perfect children, then why to talk about the greatness of motherhood or parenthood? Will I be able to accept a child with a defect whole-heartedly? If I say that I will accept any baby, then why the hell I had this scan! I have no answers for many questions that keep haunting me. I would be thankful if some of you could share your views on this.
I am thankful to everyone and everything around me. Lying there, I was thinking about God, I wanted to believe Him and I asked Him to keep my babies healthy. More relationships I build, more is the need of God in my life! The only times I go and stand before God is to ask Him to help my loved ones. Now, with these two lives growing within me, whom I will love to pieces until my demise (and even beyond perhaps!), I have no other option than to catch hold of God (Who are you ?) very tightly! :)
Thank you so much everyone and good luck to all of you who are in your 2ww!